The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
