Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
