she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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