Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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