Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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