I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
