JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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