We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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