my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
