So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
