Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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