I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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