i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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