she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
don't judge my taste in strippers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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