Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
