Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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