whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
