I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
