We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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