I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
