I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You have to summon your inner elephant
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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