you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
