it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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