He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
