listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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