Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
