did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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