remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
