so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
