forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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