Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
