I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
