We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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