we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
