I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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