Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.