I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.