Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.