do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
