I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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