DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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