Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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