btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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