I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
