apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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