Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Boobs are out for the taking
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
