the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize