I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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