I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize