Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
