My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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