I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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