I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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