of course. lets lasso hookers.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
