I think I am morally bankrupt
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The best revenge is premature balding
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
