I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
