Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
