Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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