Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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