God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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