We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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