Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
