Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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