How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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