I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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