i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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