You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize