Sponge bath it is.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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